40 is the new 20

So here it is the day, other than 21, that I have been waiting for...the day I turn 40. I remember when 40 ment something...wow you're 40 thats old. But now, now 40 is the new 20 so what does that mean that I'll have to turn 60 before I can really celebrate being "mature"? I thought that on my 40th there would be a big party, lots of fun...is'nt that what you are suppose to do on your 40th? But it looks like another day...work, head to class tonight, eat my Nutrisystem dinner. (being that i weigh more now than I did at 20. If 40 is the new 20 then should'nt I be the same size as my 20 year old self??) My parents partied up when they turned 40, I guess there just is'nt any milestones with my generation anymore.

New Moon OMG!!!

Yes I can officially say that I’m 39 years old and one of “those” women that is rushing out to the movies to see New Moon. I love the books – really so much so that i read them all in a week. Let me stress ALL – I was up some nights until 2 or 3 in the morning reading and I have a full time job. Lets just say that I wasn't much good at work that week.

Why do I at like a “tween” girl in this case? Its great writing. I’m impressed that you can write about vampires and create a love story with little to no sex and violence. Don't get me wrong I love sex and violence – True Blood is one of my shows – but the books don’t need any of that in order for the story to grab you. And yes, maybe I’m jealous that, as a “tween”, I didn’t have this kind of reading. Nancy Drew was great and Lord knows I could not have made it through those years without Judy Blume but that was it for girls back then.

Also – no matter how old you are – the story of angst filled love, that kind of love that hits your soul – is ageless.

Shut Up and Earn Your Money

In my house the kids have the basement for all of their toys and games and everything. Once a week I ask them to clean it up so that you can actually move around down there. Its usually a full day project, not because they have allot of things but because of the fighting. Inevitably there is the argument of who made the bigger mess and who should do most of the cleaning. I start out calm but, after a couple hours of the bickering, I've had my fill and begin the yelling. "I don't care who did more I just want it clean. You both need to work together and get it done."

I thought of this on my way into work this morning as I was listening to NPR. They were playing the audio clip of Congress talking about the stimulus money and AIG's large bonuses that were paid out. I got that same tired, pissed off feeling. I don't care who messed up the economy just fix it. I've had it with the back and forth complaining, listening to the Republicans speaking about how this is Obama's fault, his Treasury Secretary should be more on the ball. Listening to the Democrats talk about how Bush is to blame. Once again I've had it and if I could stand up and make a speak this is what I would say to my entire government.

Shut up because I'm fed up and I'm sure I'm not alone. I'm sick of listening to the back and forth bickering it is not constructive, it wont help the situation so stop. I feel like I'm dealing with my kids, stop the blaming and start working together. If you have a better idea that give it, work together and give me something that provides forward motion. Instead of wasting your breathe and my time start talking about the way ahead and only that. Work together to come up with something good and stop dwelling on the past. We have a crisis here and I elected you, not to make speeches and sound all grandiose, but because most of you said you would work together and do the right thing. We cannot fix this divided, you all - my government - have to work together.

The American people need to pull themselves out of this stupidity too and I'm counted in this. I like nice things, a nice house, nice car, buying things that I don't need. Its time to tighten the belt America. Most people are because they have no choice since their jobs have been lost. But the people that hold the financial responsibility - these people expecting big bonuses - give me a break!! (sorry 20/20 I couldn't find a better way to put it) The good old days of self-indulgence and excess are over - you have made sure of that. Don't you get what you have done to America? You've bankrupted us!! Do you sleep well at night because I would not.

I'm fed up with my government, I'm fed up with the financial community I want it to stop so does most of America. We, the people, put you in these jobs because you told us that you could do it. You knew what was best - well hear me now "Shut up and earn your money", get us out of this or we will find other people that will. "every one's replaceable" I was once told by a boss of mine. If my performance at work was like the government and financial community I would have lost my job!!

Stupid Is As Stupid Does

I don't get it most days, I mean I get that I am in the business of making money, creating more work for the company and myself but is it really at the expense of the client. If we streamline things is it really going to put us out of business? I wont say were I work just that my client is the federal government. Its the epitome of the right hand not talking to the left and that's OK because they bring in people like me to start that talking, to say to them hey I just worked on X with your other group and that's what you want to do so you should talk to them and get them to let you add your X onto their foundation. Sounds right - why have 3 of the same things out there paying full price for each when you can consolidate. I see this as being a good consultant and as a tax payer. There are some, hell most, that say if we get paid 3 million to build X then we can get 3 million each to build X here, then another 3 mill over here and so on...regardless of whether it makes sense or is efficient. (i know, i know using the word efficient and federal government in the same sentence is like saying an efficient way of loosing weight is death)

Oh new President wants to streamline the government and its IT which is great if we can get the rest of the feds to play nicely with others and get the consultants of the world to stop thinking in the "body shop" approach (I heard that from a fellow consultant and that's a great phrase so I'm borrowing it) to consulting.

I guess I'll just keep bringing this up to my boss...until I get fired.

What does that say about me

I have always had this facination with serial killers. I read everything that there is from people like John Douglas and Robert Ressler and find that my dream job would be a member of the FBI Behavioral Unit, not too many people aspire to spend 2 hours in a room with Charles Manson. "Profiling", putting the pieces together to track down some, trying to understand what a serial killers motives are, how they find the person, all of that is facianting to me. Why do they do what they do? What makes a person do some of the unspeakable things - what is that cocktail of genetics and environment that turns a person. What are they thinking/feeling before/during/after? Most are smart enough not to get caught right away so how is that. Trying to understand and solve the puzzle, I guess it was too many Nancy Drew stories when I was young.

Fun Fun Fun

So I LOVE horror movies. There is nothing more fun than sitting in the dark and watching them. I, of course, am terrified the whole time and usually have my husbands arm to hold, or my 15 year old son's arm - which he's never too happy about but hey I'm his mother so he can be nice. I must say that they certainly have changed over the years and not for the good. What happened to the good old days when not seeing something was better? Now I have seen some films that are bloody and scary but it seems that too many movies now adays go for the high gore just to sell. Now its hard not to be a horror purist when you grew up in the 70s and 80s with such masterpieces as "Halloween", "The Exorcist", and everyones summer time favorite (and truely the reason I never swim in any body of water in the dark) "Jaws". I think there are some great young directors out there and I hope this genre goes back t its roots. I'm excited to watch NBC's "fear Itself" tonight, looks like it may be good.

Here are some fun sites:
http://www.bravotv.com/The_100_Scariest_Movie_Moments/index.shtml
http://www.best-horror-movies.com/100-greatest-horror-movies-printer-friendly.html

That day has come

Dear Matthew,

Since I don't know where you are, I will put this out on the Internet in hopes that you may see it someday. Happy Birthday my sweetpea. I can't explain what these past 18 years have been like without you. My husband says that you define who I am now, that's true. And this day especially is hard because I miss you and it reminds me of everything that I haven not been there for. Your first steps, your first words, your first bruise, the first time you saw a butterfly, your first day of school, your last day of school, the day you passed your driver's test, the day you got acceptance letter to college. I don't know what you look like; if you have blue eyes and dark hair. If you are in love. I still don't know how to feel about my decision. It was my biggest mistake and my best decision.

My fear is that I'll never see you again. That you aren't curious about me, that you you don't want to know me. That I'll never see you smile, or hear your voice, or meet your kids. That I have no place in your life.

On your 18th birthday, while you are blowing out your candles with your mom and dad, I'll be thinking of you and hoping that your still safe and happy. I miss you more than you can imagine. I will still keep my hopes of seeing you again.
Love.